Watermelon head

*giggle*

Travelin' lite... arf, arf!

Chilin'

Drive-through meal

"i'm lovin' it"

Best singles ads

This has to be one of the best singles ads ever printed. It is reported to have been listed in the Atlanta Journal.


SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....

Please scroll down








Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society

Bible Test

Can you imagine yourself to be the nun that is sitting at her desk grading these papers all the while trying to keep a straight face and maintain her composure?

PAY SPECIAL ATTENTION TO THE WORDING AND SPELLING. IF YOU KNOW THE BIBLE EVEN A LITTLE, YOU'LL FIND THIS HILARIOUS! IT COMES FROM A CATHOLIC ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEST. KIDS WERE ASKED QUESTIONS ABOUT THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENTS. THE FOLLOWING STATEMENTS ABOUT THE BIBLE WERE WRITTEN BY CHILDREN. THEY HAVE NOT BEEN RETOUCHED OR CORRECTED. INCORRECT SPELLING HAS BEEN LEFT IN.


1. IN THE FIRST BOOK OF THE BIBLE, GUINESSIS, GOD GOT TIRED O F CREATING THE WORLD SO HE TOOK THE SABBATH OFF.


2. ADAM AND EVE WERE CREATED FROM AN APPLE TREE. NOAH'S WIFE WAS JOAN OF ARK. NOAH BUILT AND ARK AND THE ANIMALS CAME ON IN PEARS.


3. LOTS WIFE WAS A PILLAR OF SALT DURING THE DAY, BUT A BALL OF FIRE DURING THE NIGHT.


4. THE JEWS WERE A PROUD PEOPLE AND THROUGHOUT HISTORY THEY HAD TROUBLE WITH UNSYMPATHETIC GENITALS.


5. SAMPSON WAS A STRONGMAN WHO LET HIMSELF BE LED ASTRAY BY A JEZEBEL LIKE DELILAH.


6. SAMSON SLAYED THE PHILISTINES WITH THE AXE OF THE APOSTLES.


7. MOSES LED THE JEWS TO THE RED SEA WHERE THEY MADE UNLEAVENED BREAD WHICH IS BREAD WITHOUT ANY INGREDIENTS.


8. THE EGYPTIANS WERE ALL DROWNED IN THE DESSERT. AFTERWARDS, MOSES WENT UP TO MOUNT CYANIDE TO GET THE TEN COMMANDMENTS.


9. THE FIRST COMMANDMENTS WAS WHEN EVE TOLD ADAM TO EAT THE APPLE.


10. THE SEVENTH COMMANDMENT IS THOU SHALT NOT ADMIT ADULTERY.


11. MOSES DIED BEFORE HE EVER REACHED CANADA. THEN JOSHUA LED THE HEBREWS IN THE BATTLE OF GERITOL.


12. THE GREATEST MIRICLE IN THE BIBLE IS WHEN JOSHUA TOL D HIS SON TO STAND STILL AND HE OBEYED HIM.


13. DAVID WAS A HEBREW KING WHO WAS SKILLED AT PLAYING THE LIAR. HE FOUGHT THE FINKELSTEINS, A RACE OF PEOPLE WHO LIVED IN BIBLICAL TIMES.


14. SOLOMON, ONE OF DAVIDS SONS, HAD 300 WIVES AND 700 PORCUPINES.


15. WHEN MARY HEARD SHE WAS THE MOTHER OF JESUS, SHE SANG THE MAGNA CARTA.


16. WHEN THE THREE WISE GUYS FROM THE EAST SIDE ARRIVED THEY FOUND JESUS IN THE MANAGER.


17. JESUS WAS BORN BECAUSE MARY HAD AN IMMACULATE CONTRAPTION.


18. ST. JOHN THE BLACKSMITH DUMPED WATER ON HIS HEAD.


19. JESUS ENUNCIATED THE GOLDEN RULE, WHICH SAYS TO DO UNTO OTHERS BEFORE THEY DO ONE TO YOU. HE ALSO EXPLAINED A MAN DOTH NOT LIVE BY SWEAT ALONE.


20. IT WAS A MIRICLE WHEN JESUS ROSE FROM THE DEAD AND MANAGED TO GET THE TOMBSTONE OFF THE ENTRANCE.


21. THE PEOPLE WHO FOLLOWED THE LORD WERE CALLED THE 12 DECIBELS.


22. THE EPISTELS WERE THE WIVES OF THE APOSTLES.


23. ONE OF THE OPPOSSUMS WAS ST. MATTHEW, WHO WAS ALSO A TAXIMAN.


24. ST. PAUL CAVORTED TO CHRISTIANITY, HE PREACHED HOLY ACRIMONY WHICH IS ANOTHER NAME FOR MARRAIGE.


25. CHRISTIANS HAVE ONLY ONE SPOUSE. THIS IS CALLED MONOTONY.

HEY!

Happy St. Paddy's Day!

Ya Think!?!

Saw this and thought of granddog and said to myself, "Oh yeah, that'll work!!" btw, that's not a photo of granddog because granddog, or I should say grand *puppy*, would never allow it!!

How was your day?

*sigh* Dow down 244.66, so goes another day in the life of an investor. The market really is a good thing in the long run, but that's the key... (long run). One must stay focused and not pull out when things look gloomy.

Hubby had the foresight to see this with years of practice and experience. He has put his faith in a stock advisory service newsletter which has given us a very good rate of return on our investment.







On a happyhappyhappy note... SPRING IS HERE! Well, not technically, but 72 degrees here today! woohoo!! Annnnnnnnnnnnnd, our honkers have returned. They are soooo funny landing out there on our wetland which is still frozen. So they land sliding across the ice and then proceed to chase each other honkin' their fool heads off. Ah, the wonderful sounds of spring.

btw, those aren't photos of my geese, got it off the Internets. :+)

How was your day?

BIG TROUBLE!

Guess which one is getting in
trouble when he gets home!?!

Blonde's Car

There were two blondes' and they got locked out of their car.

One blonde is trying to open the lock with a coat hanger.

The other blonde is calling the car agency.

Finally, the blonde calling the agency gets through.

She yells, "Hurry up! Its freezing out here, its raining, and the top is down and the interior will get ruined!"

It's Saturday, what can I say!! {grin}

My Bad

Cracks me up!

bEeN tHeRe, DoNe ThAt!

Tee, Hee!

How to tell if your boat is too small.......

Time for another...

Oh My

New Medal

Postcard finally arrives — 92 years late

LONDON - A postcard sent from the trenches during World War I by a private to his wartime sweetheart finally arrived — 92 years after he had sent it.

Pvt. Walter Butler wrote to Amy Hicks in 1915, telling her he was alive and well — but the army issue postcard never made it to her home in Wiltshire, 60 miles west of London. Butler survived the war, and the couple went on to marry.

The postcard turned up in a postal sorting office, which sent it along last week to the post office near Hicks' address. A local postman called the home of the couple's daughter, Joyce Hulbert, to announce the discovery.

Hulbert, 86, a grandmother of three, said that her late parents rarely discussed the war and that the relic of the past had little meaning for her. She wondered what the fuss was all about.

"I think it's rather excessive," Hulbert told The Associated Press. "There's lots more interesting things going on than a postcard arriving 92 years late."

Nosey, Nosey

Was feeling a little nosey, so I thought I would look in on you and see if you are sitting at your computer.

Yup, there you are!

Have a Great Day!

Valentine's Day

♥ Valentine's Day 2007 ♥

Life is short,
Break the rules,
Forgive quickly,
Kiss slowly,
Love truly,
Laugh uncontrollably,
And never regret anything that made you smile.

Jes Kiddin'!!!!!!!!!!!

Weather Alert!

When you see this on the way out your door...

You might as well turn around, go back in and have another cup of coffee. It is probably not going to be a good day!

LESSON OF THE DAY - NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

Brian invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian's mother couldn't help but notice how beautiful Brian's roommate, Jennifer, was.

Brian's Mom had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Jennifer, and this had only made her more curious.

Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Jennifer than met the eye.

Reading his mom's thoughts, Brian volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Jennifer and I are just roommates."

About a week later, Jennifer came to Brian saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don't suppose she took it, do you?"

Brian said, "Well, I doubt it, but I'll send her an e-mail just to be sure. So he sat down and wrote:

Dear Mom:

I'm not saying that you "did" take the gravy ladle from the house, I'm not saying that you "did not" take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that one has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.

Love, Brian


Several days later Brian received an email back from his mother that read:

Dear Son:

I'm not saying that you "do" sleep with Jennifer, I'm not saying that you "do not" sleep with Jennifer. But the fact remains that if Jennifer is sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now.

Love, Mom

Blog Schmog!

Cool Cat!

Ahhhhhh, don't we just love our computers!

Feel old yet?

1975 : Long hair
2005: Longing for hair

1975 : KEG
2005 : EKG

1975: Acid rock
2005 : Acid reflux

1975 : Moving to California because it's cool
2005: Moving to Arizona because it's warm

1975 : Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor
2005: Trying NOT to look like Marlon Brando or Liz Taylor

1975: Seeds and stems
2005: Roughage

1975: Hoping for a BMW
2005: Hoping for a BM

1975: Going to a new, hip joint
2005: Receiving a new hip joint

1975: Rolling Stones
2005: Kidney Stones

1975: Whatever
2005: Depends



Just in case you weren't feeling too old today, this will certainly change things.. Each year the staff at Beloit College in Wisconsin puts together a list to try to give the faculty a sense of the mindset of this year's incoming freshmen. Here's this year's list:

The people who are starting college this fall across the nation were born in 1987.


They are too young to remember the space shuttle blowing up.


Their lifetime has always included AIDS.


Bottle caps have always been screw off?


The CD was introduced the year they were born.


They have always had an answering machine .


They have always had cable.


They cannot fathom not having a remote control.


Jay Leno has always been on the Tonight Show.


Popcorn has always been cooked in the microwave.


They never took a swim and thought about Jaws.


They can't imagine what hard contact lenses are.


They don't know who Mork was or where he was from.


They never heard: "Where's the Beef?", "I'd walk a mile for a Camel", or "de plane, Boss, de plane".


They do not care who shot J. R. and have no idea who J. R. even is.


McDonald's never came in Styrofoam containers.


They don't have a clue how to use a typewriter.

Maude and Claude

Maude and Claude, both 91, lived in The Villages in Florida. They met at a singles club meeting and discovered over time that they enjoyed each other's company.

After several weeks of meeting for coffee, Claude asked Maude out for dinner and, much to his delight, she accepted. They had a lovely evening. They dined at the most romantic restaurant in town.

Despite his age, they ended up at this place for an after dinner drink. Things continued along a natural course and age being no inhibitor, Maude soon joined Claude for a most enjoyable roll in the hay.

As they were basking in the glow of the magic moments they'd shared, each was lost for a time in their own thoughts....

Claude was thinking, "If I'd known she was a virgin, I'd have been gentler."

Maude was thinking, "If I'd know he could still do it, I'd have taken off my pantyhose."

New Years Resolutions

New Years Resolutions

For 2007

This year, I resolve to:

Always replace the gas nozzle

before driving away from the pump.

I will always "check for paper"

when leaving the restroom.

I will try to drive closer
to the speed limit.

I will always wear clean
underwear, "just in case".

I will keep an extra safe distance
when driving behind police cars.

I will no longer park the BMW

next to fire hydrants.

New Grand Puppy, Bailey Jezabelle

Food/Sex... eh, Sex/Food... you decide!

Scantily clad servers push artery clogging fare at the 'Heart Attack Grill'. . .

Santa's Sexual Harassment Trial

What American accent do you have?

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Midland
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

Finally, error messages that You understand

Julie Andrews sings my song

Born Julia Elizabeth Wells on October 1st, 1935, in Walton-on-Thames, Surrey, to commemorate her 69th birthday on October 1, actress/vocalist, Julie Andrews, made a special appearance at Manhattan 's Radio City Music Hall for the benefit of the AARP.

One of the musical numbers she performed was "My Favorite Things" from the legendary movie "Sound Of Music."

Here are the lyrics she used:

"Maalox and nose drops and needles for knitting, Walkers and handrails and new dental fittings, Bundles of magazines tied up in string, These are a few of my favorite things.

Cadillacs and cataracts and hearing aids and glasses, Polident and Fixodent and false teeth in glasses, Pacemakers, golf carts and porches with swings, These are a few of my favorite things.

When the pipes leak, When the bones creak, When the knees go bad, I simply remember my favorite things, And then I don't feel so bad.

Hot tea and crumpets and corn pads for bunions, No spicy hot food or food cooked with onions, Bathrobes and heating pads and hot meals they bring, These are a few of my favorite things.

Back pains, confused brains, and no fear of sinnin', Thin bones and fractures and hair that is thinnin', And we won't mention our short shrunken frames, When we remember our favorite things.

When the joints ache, When the hips break, When the eyes grow dim, Then I remember the great life I've had, And then I don't feel so bad."

(Ms . Andrews received a standing ovation from the crowd that lasted over four minutes and repeated encores.)

SO YOU THINK YOU KNOW EVERYTHING?

(OK, Let's test you then..Smartie Pants!)

[It's back to grade school, That's "A,B,C,D,E,F,G" playing in the Background]

"Stewardesses" is the longest word

typed with only the left hand

and "lollipop" with your right.

(Bet you tried this out mentally, didn't you.)

Maine is the only state whose name is just one syllable.

(I'll bet you're going to check this out, there's gotta be another one... HUH)

No word in the English language

rhymes with month, orange, silver,

or purple.

"Dreamt" is the only English word

that ends in the letters "mt".

(Are you doubting this?)

Our eyes
are always the same size from birth,
but our nose and ears
never stop growing.

The sentence:
"The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog"
uses every letter of the alphabet.

(Now, you KNOW you're going to try this out for accuracy, right?)

The words 'racecar,' 'kayak'
and 'level' are spelled the same
whether they are read left to right
or right to left.
They are called "Palindromes".

(Yep, I knew it, ...You did too ...But forgot.)

There are only four words in the English language
which end in "dous":
tremendous,
horrendous,
stupendous,
and hazardous.

(You're not doubting this one, are you?)

There are two words in the English language
that have all five vowels in order:
"abstemious" and "facetious."

(Yes, admit it, you are going to say.... a e i o u)

TYPEWRITER is the longest word
that can be made using the letters only
on one row of the typewriter keyboard.

(All you typists are going to test this out)

All 50 states are listed across the top
of the Lincoln Memorial on the back of the $5 bill.

A dime has 118 ridges around the edge.

A cat has 32 muscles in each ear.

A goldfish has a memory span of three seconds.

(That explains it....Some days. I feel like a Goldfish.)

A "jiffy" is an actual unit of time
for 1/100th of a second.

(I really didn't know this. But you knew it.. Yeah! Right!)

A shark is the only fish
that can blink with both eyes.

A snail can sleep for three years.

(I know some people that could do this, too.)

Al Capone's business card said
he was a used furniture dealer.

Almonds are a member of the peach family.

An ostrich's eye is bigger than it's brain.

(Yep! and on those days when I don't feel like a goldfish, I feel like an Ostrich.)

Babies are born without kneecaps.
None, until a child
reaches 2 to 6 years of age.

February 1865 is the only month in recorded history
not to have a full moon.

In the last 4,000 years,
no new animals have been domesticated.

If the population of China walked past you, 8 abreast,
the line would never end
because of the China birthrate.

If you are an average American, in your whole life,
you will spend an average of 6 months
in your car waiting at red lights.

Leonardo Da Vinci invented the scissors.

On a Canadian two dollar bill,
the flag flying over the Parliament building
is an American flag.

Peanuts are one of the ingredients of Dynamite!

(Warning! It's not a good idea to sneeze while eating them!)

Rubber bands last longer when refrigerated.

The average person's left hand does 56% of the typing.

The cruise liner, QE2, moves only six inches
for each gallon of diesel that it burns.

The microwave was invented
after a researcher
walked by a radar tube and a chocolate bar
melted in his pocket.

The winter of 1932 was so cold
that Niagara Falls froze completely solid.

There are more chickens than people in the world.

Winston Churchill was born
in a ladies' room during a dance.

Women blink nearly twice as much as men

There ......
Now you know Everything!

Finally, error messages that You understand

Oh, So That's How It's Done!?!

Carhartt Introduces Rugged Work Thong